Becoming Me Again

Eleven years ago, I woke up with one deflated boob.

Eleven years and ten months before that, I had gotten saline breast implants. Because of the deflated implant, I opted to have surgery again. This time, silicone implants.

I struggled with the decision to go through it all again, but everything I read about removal felt scary and ugly. So I had a second breast implant surgery. Voluntarily.

How it started: after having my second baby, I had lots of loose skin where boobs should’ve been. Nothing fit right. I didn’t feel sexy. I made the decision to have an elective surgery I had once sworn I’d never do. In fact, I judged women who did it. (Not proud of that confession.)

I had my baby in August 2004, met with a surgeon that December, and had implants by March 2005. The fact that I was making those decisions postpartum feels wrong on so many levels now. Counseling should absolutely have been part of the process.

By January 2015, I did it again.

Life went on for the next seven years. I was healthy. Things were fine.

Until January 2022, when I had to have a breast biopsy because a mass they’d been monitoring had grown. Thankfully, it was benign, but it was enough to get me thinking about what was in my body.

At some point, I would likely need another surgery. I didn’t want that. And honestly, the implants got in the way. They were too big. I no longer felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn’t feel like me anymore.

I was over them.

So in May 2022, just days before my daughter’s college graduation, I had them removed.

Instantly, I felt better.

Even when I finally removed the bandages and looked like the bride of Frankenstein, I still felt better. (My scars run beneath my breasts and around the nipples. They’ve faded over time, but they’re still there. I’ll take them.)

Some women have experienced illness from implants. I didn’t. But I do feel freer, leaner, and healthier now that they’re gone.

And strangely enough, I feel sexier.

I feel sexier because I feel like myself again.

At 53, I’m more comfortable in my own skin than I’ve ever been.

And with all of this said… I don’t regret having them.

For years, I liked the way I looked with implants. I place absolutely no judgement on women who have them, want them, remove them, or choose reconstruction after cancer. I have friends who fall into every one of those categories, and they are all beautiful, sexy, incredible women.

But wow… society places a lot of judgement on mammaries. For hell’s sake. It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?

I always hesitate to share this story. I feel vulnerable. And vulnerability is a very scary thing.

But I’m grateful for the friend who shared her explant experience with me and made me feel brave enough to do it too.

Hopefully, I can do the same for someone else.

xo, Mindy

(Photo November 2022 by Desert Fern Photos)